How to Fry a Brain to a Crisp

a.k.a. A Day in the Life of a College Student

(This recipe has been proven to work 119% of the time.)


The frying procedure works best if you do these steps in order:


1) Stay up until 2:00 a.m.

2) Wake up at 6:20 a.m.

3) Go to classes that require the highest level of thinking from 7:30-11:00 a.m. with NO breaks. (To make sure the brain is CRISP make sure a yawn is being produced AT LEAST every ten minutes and you can't control lapsing in and out of sleep.)

4) After the marathon of classes one small break is allowed to prep the brain for deep frying.

5) Now time for DEEPING FRYING!!! (For best results make sure you are tired to the point where your body is feeling numb.) Then pile all ten books that need to be read on your bed that is tempting you to take a nice, restful nap. The books should take you a minimum of six hours to read.

6) Begin with the first book. Warning: It is going to be the hardest to fight off sleep while reading this first book, but don't get discouraged. Never give up, never surrender!

7)Proceed with the remaining nine books, reading each assignment completely before beginning the journey onto the next exciting textbook that was written for your enjoyment. For the frying to be most effective only take breaks for the times when "nature calls".

8) By the end of the reading your brain should feel as though it is not able to produce an understandable sentence. You know when your brain is going to be fried to its crispiest self when you forget your best friend's name.

9) Now come another SHORT break for something that you used to comprehend as being called food. Make sure to eat QUICKLY for best results!

10) Next, proceed to write a paper for your Psychology class for two more hours.

11) Lastly, for optimal results don't go to bed until PAST midnight. By the time midnight strikes your brain shouldn't even be able to tell you WHO YOU ARE. Now you will begin to think (yes believe it or not you still have the ability to THINK) that you once were a highly capable human being who could once show dynamic emotions and speak out with your own fierce opinions but who is now more worthless than dust. (This should be comparable to a midlife crisis...)


Good luck and have fun!